College Football Preview, Part I

Here are several things to help get you ready for the upcoming college football season.

1. Memorize the following list.  It comes in handy at tailgate parties and will make you appear to have an IQ at least 10 points higher than it is. This is the list of teams playing D-I (I refuse to use the new term) football whose mascots do not end with the letter “s”:

Alabama Crimson Tide, Illinois Fighting Illini, Marshall Thundering Herd, Navy Midshipmen, North Carolina State Wolfpack, Nevada Wolf Pack, North Texas Mean Green, Notre Dame Fighting Irish, Stanford Cardinal, Syracuse Orange, Tulane Green Wave, and Tulsa Golden Hurricane (if you have a “golden hurricane” then surely you will have “golden winds” along with… sorry, can’t go there).  Some people will want to add the Georgia Tech Rambling Wreck, but officially they’re the Yellow Jackets.

2. Here are some football cheers:

Amusing cheers: Stick It In (Va Tech), Go To Hell Ole Miss Go To Hell (LSU), and Punt Bama Punt (Auburn).

Inane cheers: The Ohio St. cheer where half the stadium says “O-H” and the other half replies “I-O”. Congratulations on learning to spell a four letter word that some of you don’t use in every other sentence.

The Penn St. cheer where they say “We are (clap, clap) Penn St.”  Somebody must have stayed up really late thinking up that one.  Probably the same person who came up with those great uniforms.

“Rock, Chalk, Jayhawk” for the University of Kansas.  I guess you figured since you had a fake mascot you could just free associate words and it would count as a cheer as long as it rhymed?

3. Be familiar with a couple of the great football traditions.

At Florida St. their mascot, Chief Osceola, rides a horse out to the middle of the field and throws a flaming spear into the ground. I guess he is somehow declaring war on the other team. What is funny to me is that the Seminole nation gave them permission to keep using Seminoles as their mascot. Therefore they have tacitly approved this caricature. Sometimes when I see this event it makes me want to drink the white man’s firewater and trade Manhattan for some worthless trinkets. Go FSU.

Va Tech plays Enter Sandman by Metallica. Although I personally do not care for Lars Ulrich or James Hetfield due to their stance on Napster, their song makes for a pretty kewl entrance.

Clemson – All players touch Howard’s Rock for good luck and then run downhill into the stadium.

At Notre Dame all players tap the Play Like A Champion Today sign as they walk down the staircase into the tunnel leading into Notre Dame stadium. I’m guessing last year they should have changed the sign to read Be A Champion Today.  Nice job of waking up the echoes against Navy, gold domers.

4. Know some really kewl mascots unless you’re around a PETA member: Bevo the Longhorn (Texas), Ralphie the Buffalo (Colorado), the War Eagle (Auburn), and Mike the Tiger (LSU).  If a PETA member is around invite them to free Mike the Tiger before the game ala Roy Horn of Sigfried & Roy fame.

Don’t worry there’s still a lot more to come between now and kickoff.  As a Vandy fan this is the only part of the football season I enjoy.

Late.

Tags: auburn, bevo, clemson, College Football, colorado, enter sandman, go to hell ole miss, howard's rock, james hetfield, kansas, lars ulrich, LSU, metallica, mike the tiger, Notre Dame, penn st., play like a champion today, punt bama punt, ralphie the buffalo, rock chalk jayhawk, stick it in, texas, va tech, war eagle