So Wrong On So Many Levels

Earlier tonight I heard a familiar voice on Action News 5 in Memphis, TN.  Hearing this voice caused me to sit up and actually pay attention to a “fluff” story.  You see, in my first year of college (notice, I didn’t call it my freshman year since I had more than one of those) I attended (notice I didn’t say graduated from) a college in Memphis, TN which was named Southwestern at Memphis (SAM).  Although it sounded like a technical school wanting to be a junior college it was actually a nice little regional liberal arts college.  Unfortunately, as always happens, times change and the school changed its name to Rhodes College (rhodes link) which sounded much better and much more pretentious.  For the record it is now a highly ranked liberal arts college which would never admit the likes of me.  Maybe that’s why I say the name sounds pretentious, but I digress.

Anyway, while attending SAM I had a good friend who is now apparently the Director of Public Relations for Memphis Motorsports Park (MMP) (MMP Link).  For the purpose of this blog, let’s just call him “Doug Franklin” — a purely made up name.  So I’m halfway listening to the news when I heard “Doug Franklin’s” voice.  It turns out there is a woman who wants her husband’s cremated remains to be scattered all over the MMP grounds. To accomplish this she decides to contact “Doug”.  Well, “Doug” being the smart guy he is — and he really is — decides to check the local laws and, as it turns out, it is illegal to dispose of a person’s ashes on private property which apparently the MMP is.  Not to be stopped by a minor obstacle “Doug” through some research discovers it is legal to drop cremated remains from the air regardless of where they may land.  So “Doug”, being the good guy he is — and he really is — contacts Action News 5 who then takes the woman and her husband’s ashes up in their news chopper where she then proceeds to dump him out over the MMP.  Heartwarming isn’t it?!?

All of this brings me to my first point.  Instead of just saying something like this is so wrong on so many levels, I think it would be far better to illustrate this point by giving a vivid example.  I decided to do this, because I once had a college speech professor who told us it was always better to make your point with a real world example that your audience could relate to, and since he was a professor he was obviously right.  Just ask him.  So here’s my example.  Picture yourself hanging out with Junior (his real name, given at birth) at the MMP watching the races and saying things like, “whoo wee, them cars sure is burnin’ some serious rubber” when all of a sudden the exhaust from one of the cars kicks up some dust of which a small portion lands on Junior’s ice cream cone.  Well you already know he’s going to eat it just like you know telling him not to eat it will just make him ornery and ruin an otherwise great afternoon.  And then it occurs to you…  there’s now another fan out there helping Junior feel a little closer to racin’ —  or maybe he’s just helping Junior digest things a little faster and you know I’m not referring to his thoughts.

BTW, if you don’t believe any of this tripe, here is a link to the story:  http://www.wmctv.com/Global/story.asp?S=8709689

As you will learn as you get to know me I normally don’t publish my thoughts on seemingly inconsequential  topics like this, however, there is more to this story.  You see, I spent a number of my formative years in Baton Rouge, LA going to LSU football games.  During this time, my parents had a regular group they went to the games with and with whom they hosted tailgate parties.  Three of the participants in these tailgate parties were the brothers Dupuy: Charlie a/k/a “Big Time”, Bill, and Mole.  Charlie and Bill were both tall guys who at one time had both been the Tiger mascot at the games.  Obviously, I’m talking about the guy in the tiger costume.  I’m sure Mole would have also been the mascot, but he suffered from numerous health problems and he was small in stature.  In fact, I was always told his name was derived from the expression that “he wasn’t any bigger than the mole on a dog’s ass.”  Anyway, Mole eventually succumbed to his health issues and the tailgate parties were never the same, but don’t think Mole quit going to the parties or to the games.  You see, the brothers Dupuy had Mole cremated and his ashes are now spread in a number of different places:  the tailgate party location, inside Tiger stadium and in all other SEC stadiums, as well as, in the stadium’s of several big time opponents (read Notre Dame).

So now I have to ask, what are we coming to as a society when we compete not only in life, but even in death?  Do we have to always win at everything?  Well, just let me be the first to state the obvious answer, “Hell Yeah, U-S-A, U-S-A!” and if you don’t agree then go and pull for the Godless (cuz they don’t worship the right God), Taliban-led team from Afghanistan during the Olympics next month.